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10. Persuasive proclamations about God. “I feel blessed to be alive on this glorious day, and I owe it all to God. Make God your only Savior and you will never be sad.”

對神的感人告白：“能活得這么好都是有您的庇佑，我的一切都歸于上帝。若將上帝作為你唯一救星，永遠不會悲傷。”

Analysis: Religious people need to spend more time in church and less time on Facebook.

分析：如果你信宗教就多花點時間去教堂，花少點時間在Facebook上。

11. Updates about how much they drink and how excited they are to be drinking: "LOL...it’s only 8:30 and look at us!! We’re already drunk!! LOL!"

喝了多少酒，喝了酒以后多么興奮：“LOL……才8：30看看咱爺們！！爺們兒已經醉啦！！LOL!”

Analysis: “I’m having fun. I swear. I'm not an alcoholic. I just don't know any other way of self-proclaiming my sense of being cool.”

分析：“我挺開心，真的。我不是酒鬼，只是我不知道還有什么別的方法表達我現在超爽的感覺了。”

12. Updates of mundane activities written as though they are jokes: “I had to stop and get gas and then wait an hour for a prescription. Then I lost my keys and couldn’t get back in my car. Hahaha.”

憋個段子寫些稀松平常的事情：“停車加油，又等了一個小時拿到處方。結果發現我把車鑰匙丟了，現在車也進不去。哈哈哈。”

Analysis: “It’s funny, right? Please say it’s funny.”

分析：“好笑嘛，嗯？請你告訴我哪好笑。”

13. Updates written as though the page-bearer never had an English class, not even in elementary school. “OK I went to the OMG the swag thing u know I ran into that girl my friends cousin and she LOL had a gold ring in her nose and she says hey u biggie I swear I almost loosed it right their hahahaha but she knew I had to go to”

好像從沒上過語言課，小學都沒上過的那種：“OK，我們去了，OMG，看那個晃來晃去的東西，跑過去那姑涼我朋友表弟，LOL，她鼻子上長了個房環，還說嘿大家伙你好啊，我發誓我快用光了，現在他們的，哈哈哈哈哈，不過她很酷就是了，我得走了。”

Analysis: They failed English but finally found a way to express incomprehensible thoughts.

分析：這些人語言不過關，不過也算找到一種表達他們猜不透的想法的方法。

14. Quoted clichés from various thinkers: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” –Unknown.

引用各種哲人的話：“愛過又失去總比從未愛過要好。”——未知哲人

Analysis: "I can’t think of anything amazing to say while I comfort myself, and I can’t find my iPod to quote some Lady Gaga."

分析：“我想安慰自己，但我又說不出很牛逼的話，我手頭沒有iPod，Lady Gaga說過的名言我也沒法引用。”